Work has become tedious. The walls of your home seem to be closing in. You NEED a vacation. But the thought of traveling with your children, especially your child with autism, is less than enticing.
Families need vacations: time to escape the regular chores, schedules and routines of home and family. Holidays mean a chance to break away from routine, a change of pace, new setting, different food, people and activities; not exactly autism friendly! Traveling with children is always more challenging, but planning a vacation with a child with autism can seem downright daunting.
There are ways to alleviate some of the stress and create an enjoyable getaway for every member of the family. Some simple guidelines and smart planning will make a big difference!
Start small
Children with autism do best with learning in small steps. If your child has never had time away from home it is wise to take a “mini vacation” for a few hours, build up to a whole day and soon after that a night away. The more familiar a child is with a new activity the less anxiety they will experience. A few hours spent in an activity close to home that is similar to what you plan to do on vacation, will be worth the time and energy. You may choose to visit a local museum, a nearby beach, a mall or spend some time on a boat. The closer the “mini holiday” matches the real thing, the better. The more practice a child has with an activity (given the proper strategies) the more they will be able to regulate emotions and enjoy the experience.
Take time to preview
Our anxiety levels typically increase when we have no clue what to expect about an upcoming event. Many people have a difficult time with the “unknown.” This is particularly true of kids with autism! As adults, we may choose to browse a travel guide, read rating scales and look at photo galleries of places where we plan to visit in order to preview where we are going and what we can expect. Our children who live with autism will benefit from these activities as well. Browse the Internet, peruse travel brochures and maybe even visit a bookstore and/or library to allow your child to read about a specific place that you plan to visit. There is an abundance of books about traveling on an airplane, visiting grandparents, ocean life or life in big cities. Whatever you decide to do with your family, reading about it is an awesome way to acquaint your children with the idea.
Don’t leave home without the visuals
Visual supports are an absolute necessity when traveling with children that have autism…even if you are away from home for a day! Pictures, calendars, maps, brochures and photos provide individuals with autism a priceless gift of predictability and order. Holidays can be filled with distractions, changes of plans, new events and unknown people. The potential for meltdowns is high when family members are tired, routines are off, and emotions and expectations are on overload and. Visual supports can act as an anxiety reducer and a welcome relief.
Individuals with autism gain a sense of calm from predictability and familiarity. When planning a trip, highlight the route on a map and if you know where you plan to stop, mark those spots on the map. Maps are often appealing to children with autism and they provide a visual tool that the child can hold and manipulate as they travel. For children that can read you may consider providing a list of some of the towns or cities through which you will travel. Children can check them off as they go or just use them as a reference when they want to know, where they are. Maps and trip itineraries are useful tools to reduce anxiety because they provide a tangible reference point and predictability. Route changes can also be made quickly on the map or just written on a piece of paper.
Not knowing how days will be filled and what will happen next is unnerving for individuals who live with autism (and for many non autistic people)! Many of us rely on electronic gadgets or day planners to keep us feeling directed, calm and in control. When planning your family trip, bring along a calendar or a day planner of some sort. Attach a strip of Velcro on each day of the trip and bring along pictures of activities or places that are associated with each day. Photographs, brochure cut outs, or homemade pictures will work. If the child is able to read, then writing on the calendar gives our children the opportunity to see what is coming and to organize the time in their minds. The Velcro offers us the flexibility of changing plans if necessary. It also demonstrates to our kids that events are not always fixed; plans change. The key is to teach the child to refer to the calendar when they are feeling uneasy. Reward them when they do so. The alternative is to listen to a constant barrage of questions.
Plan time fairly
Choose a few favorite activities rather than trying to cram everything into the day. A trip to Disneyland can be a sensory nightmare for a child with autism. Limiting the amount of activity done in a day will go a long way to making the trip more pleasant for the whole family. Do you really have to visit all of the theme parks? Is it necessary to shop in every mall? Must you participate in all of the resort activities? Your child with autism may not be capable of managing the sensory, emotional and social stimulation that more typical children are able to cope with.
Holidays by nature, tend to be very social, unpredictable and novel. Children with autism need “downtime” from the hustle uncertainty of holidays. This may mean allowing him to participate in a favorite activity for a portion of time; whatever activity he truly enjoys doing that helps him to unwind. It may mean that the child spins, jumps, twirls a sensory toy or just sits in a chair. Watching the history channel while the family is down at the beach may be just what the teen with autism needs. The activity is child driven and NOT the parent driven. Using a timer or visual clock helps to set parameters around the activity. Using cell phones or Walkie Talkies allow parents and kids to communicate when they are not in direct contact.
Plan for unstructured time
Children with autism may not be able to generate ideas to amuse themselves and parents shouldn’t have to be entertainment directors. Some simple tools will make unstructured times like travel time and waiting for flights much more bearable. Start with a written or picture menu of all of the available items to play with. Be sure to show only the choices that ARE available! Fidget toys, digital toys, magnetic travel games, ipods, handheld games, a whiteboard with markers and magnetic puzzles are invaluable when down time is non negotiable. “Wait cards” and “Unavailable cards” are invaluable when we need to let a child know that an activity or item is either delayed or not available. These cards must be part of the child’s daily life before the vacation so that they are tolerable for the child during the holiday. Pack a bag that contains all of the activities and be sure to have it handy when the waiting begins. Using a timer or a schedule helps the child know how long the activity will last.
Practice Social skills and expectations
As adults we may find ourselves assuming that a child knows how to act in various situations. Children with autism may have no idea what is expected in a certain setting and there is a good chance that they may not be concerned about what is expected! Different settings have unspoken conventions that maintain a sense of order. When visiting museums, churches, art galleries, public parks, zoos and amusement parks, think about the hidden rules that typical people just instinctively “know.” Avoid embarrassment and frustration by reviewing the “social rules” ahead of time; keep them short and sweet. Ask the child to repeat them back to you and be clear about a reward or reinforcement for abiding by the conventions.
A social script can be quickly written on paper or a whiteboard before the child is expected to participate in an unfamiliar social situation.
For example, the rules of hanging out on the beach could be written as a social script and reviewed each time a child goes to the beach:
People like to play on the beach and some people like to lie down on the beach.
We are careful not to kick sand on people when we walk in the sand.
We can lay our towels next to each other in the family.
We can lay our towels 1 or 2 big steps away from someone that we do not know.
When we lift our towels we are careful not to shake sand on other people.
The beach is fun.
Choose to have fun
The most important item to make sure you bring along on a vacation is the expectation to enjoy it. Our thoughts control much of what we experience so it is worthwhile to affirm in your own mind that this time away will be fun. Remind yourself to really watch your children as they experience new things; smile, breathe deeply and laugh often. When plans don’t quite work remind yourself that “it is what it is” and your reaction to a situation is really what determines the outcome. Choose to be cheerful and positive and your mood will likely rub off on the rest of your family.
Plopping your children in a car, driving for six hours and telling them to stop whining will not likely result in a great vacation! Planning ahead will play a huge role in creating a holiday that is fun filled. There are little things that we take for granted about traveling that we must be aware of so that we can create a great vacation. You need it. Your family needs it. Go ahead and have fun!
About The Author
Jennifer Krumins is a full time teacher in Ontario, Canada with 20 years of experience in special education and the regular classroom. A mother of three (one of which has autism) she is currently teaching severely challenged teen boys and girls with autism. She is the author of two books:
Been There. Done That. Finally Getting it Right. A Guide to Educational Planning for Students with Autism: Lessons from a Mother and Teacher.
and
One Step at a Time: ABA and Autism in the Classroom; Practical Strategies for Implementing Applied Behaviour Analysis for Student with Autism
Please feel free to visit Jennifer’s website at http://www.autismaspirations.com or email her at krumins@autismaspirations.com
The author invites you to visit:
http://www.autismaspirations.com
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
What's for Dinner?
In a previous post, I wrote about how important it is to eat dinner together as a family. But if you have a young child, or one who is a finicky eater, mealtimes can be quite unpleasant. Here are some things to consider about young kids and difficult eaters and their food intake. And a sneaky way for you to win the food war.
Children need to eat a lot. Haven’t you ever seen a kid just want to graze all day? Their little bodies need food to keep them growing. Try not to let them fill up on juice and milk a lot throughout the day, because they will feel full and then not want to eat. Also, they will have mood swings as they will come up after drinking their juice or milk, only to swing back down about 30-45 minutes after intake.
Portion sizes for kids should be about one-fourth of an adult portion of food. We have a big problem with our portion sizes in this country, they are too big. But when you sit down to eat with a child and give him as much food as you give yourself, it can take their appetite away before the first bite. They should eat three meals a day, and they should have 1 or 2 snacks a day, too.
Sometimes kids will get on a food jag and only want to eat the same thing for a week or two. That’s ok if it’s something like apples, or macaroni and cheese or chicken fingers, but if it’s just junk food or McDonald’s try to keep in mind that you are the one buying the food. Don’t buy the donuts, cookies or ice cream, and stay away from McDonald’s.
Kids will sometimes skip a meal, but they get the picture pretty quickly that it feels better to have something in your stomach, than nothing at all, so they won’t miss too many. As kids are becoming more independent, they will sometimes use eating as one of the ways to show their burgeoning independence. Try not to engage in battles of the wills with them, just set a good example yourself.
For example, some mothers make a meal for the family, but something else for the young child. I think this is a very bad habit to get started, and don’t recommend it. Kids pick up on and imitate our behavior A LOT, so if you model eating good food, enjoy your meal, say good things about your food and finish it, hopefully he will mimic your behavior.
A good cook book for kids is, The Sneaky Chef by Missy Lapine. There are a lot of fun, kid friendly dishes and she mixes good ingredients in with them, things like beans or vegetables or fish oils. For example, she suggests putting a white puree composed of cauliflower, zucchini, lemon juice and water into the mac and cheese. You puree it first, so your child doesn’t know (sneaky, huh?) but you know she’s getting two types of vegetables with her meal. That way, you feel good knowing your kid is still getting her nutrients even when she is eating macaroni and cheese for the fourth time this week.
She has all kinds of fun recipes like magic meatballs, gotta lotta lasagna, tricky taco soup, even desserts like brainy brownies. Lapine worked in the food industry for years and eventually became certified in the master techniques of healthy cooking from many, many cooking classes.
The good thing about the little bit of extra work that goes into preparing some of these dishes, is that your kid’s taste buds will expand, but you won’t have to fight with her to eat her cauliflower. You won’t have long staring contests, or fights at the table while you implore her to eat carrots, or a salad, which you know is good for her growing body, but she flatly refuses to ingest.
Secondly, along with a lot of good health effects that come from good nutrition, it will improve your child’s mood and keep them more stable with full stomachs, rather than the ups and downs you get as a side effect of the food battles.
Lastly, remember, toddlers grow up eventually, and finicky eaters grow out of it, too. Just breathe and know that kids go through a lot of phases, and this is one of them.
Children need to eat a lot. Haven’t you ever seen a kid just want to graze all day? Their little bodies need food to keep them growing. Try not to let them fill up on juice and milk a lot throughout the day, because they will feel full and then not want to eat. Also, they will have mood swings as they will come up after drinking their juice or milk, only to swing back down about 30-45 minutes after intake.
Portion sizes for kids should be about one-fourth of an adult portion of food. We have a big problem with our portion sizes in this country, they are too big. But when you sit down to eat with a child and give him as much food as you give yourself, it can take their appetite away before the first bite. They should eat three meals a day, and they should have 1 or 2 snacks a day, too.
Sometimes kids will get on a food jag and only want to eat the same thing for a week or two. That’s ok if it’s something like apples, or macaroni and cheese or chicken fingers, but if it’s just junk food or McDonald’s try to keep in mind that you are the one buying the food. Don’t buy the donuts, cookies or ice cream, and stay away from McDonald’s.
Kids will sometimes skip a meal, but they get the picture pretty quickly that it feels better to have something in your stomach, than nothing at all, so they won’t miss too many. As kids are becoming more independent, they will sometimes use eating as one of the ways to show their burgeoning independence. Try not to engage in battles of the wills with them, just set a good example yourself.
For example, some mothers make a meal for the family, but something else for the young child. I think this is a very bad habit to get started, and don’t recommend it. Kids pick up on and imitate our behavior A LOT, so if you model eating good food, enjoy your meal, say good things about your food and finish it, hopefully he will mimic your behavior.
A good cook book for kids is, The Sneaky Chef by Missy Lapine. There are a lot of fun, kid friendly dishes and she mixes good ingredients in with them, things like beans or vegetables or fish oils. For example, she suggests putting a white puree composed of cauliflower, zucchini, lemon juice and water into the mac and cheese. You puree it first, so your child doesn’t know (sneaky, huh?) but you know she’s getting two types of vegetables with her meal. That way, you feel good knowing your kid is still getting her nutrients even when she is eating macaroni and cheese for the fourth time this week.
She has all kinds of fun recipes like magic meatballs, gotta lotta lasagna, tricky taco soup, even desserts like brainy brownies. Lapine worked in the food industry for years and eventually became certified in the master techniques of healthy cooking from many, many cooking classes.
The good thing about the little bit of extra work that goes into preparing some of these dishes, is that your kid’s taste buds will expand, but you won’t have to fight with her to eat her cauliflower. You won’t have long staring contests, or fights at the table while you implore her to eat carrots, or a salad, which you know is good for her growing body, but she flatly refuses to ingest.
Secondly, along with a lot of good health effects that come from good nutrition, it will improve your child’s mood and keep them more stable with full stomachs, rather than the ups and downs you get as a side effect of the food battles.
Lastly, remember, toddlers grow up eventually, and finicky eaters grow out of it, too. Just breathe and know that kids go through a lot of phases, and this is one of them.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Gratitude: It's Your Choice
I have a friend who is about to receive an adopted baby for the second time. The first one passed away. She is understandably nervous about the prospect of bringing home a newborn. But what is sad is she’s gotten herself into a place in her mind where she is gripped with fear.
It occurred to me that like many of us when we encounter a problem, there is a choice we can make about how we choose to see and deal with it. When faced with a problem, I know this is going to sound weird, but if you are grateful for it, you are able to see it differently. And if you are in a place of gratefulness, there is no room for fear.
Take my friend’s issue, for instance, she is fearful about obtaining a new baby that another tragedy could happen, or that she will be reminded of the old feelings she felt when the first baby died.
But, if she flipped it, and thought, “Thank you, God, for another opportunity to receive a baby, thank you for another chance, thank you for allowing me to be a mother again” – the focus is then put on these thoughts and there isn’t room for the fearful thoughts to enter simultaneously.
It’s difficult, I know. It feels strange, and there is even evidence that your brain is so accustomed to processing information in the same way, that when new thoughts like these enter, they are sometimes unrecognizable to your brain.
It is work to change the thought patterns in your head, no doubt about it. I know from my own experience trying to do this with my issues, that it just feels so normal to retreat to my old way of thinking, that even though I know it causes me more grief, I think in the old way rather than working towards seeing the problem in a new light.
But with awareness, comes change. When you start to become aware of the thought patterns in your head, and then a problem arises, you take a step back, decide how you will choose to react to it, either fearfully or gratefully, and then watch as it unfolds. The more often you make the choice of being grateful for the issue in front of you, the better at it you will become.
Then in times of stress, rather than reverting back to your old ingrained habits of being frightened and resisting the problem, you will have trained your brain to find the silver lining within the issue - it is there if you look for it!
It’s almost like working out muscles in the gym. You try a spinning class, and even though you know it will help you lose weight faster, it makes muscles you never even knew you had HURT, so you go back to your aerobic class. But if you keep at the spinning class, pretty soon you tighten up those new found muscles and you enjoy the fact that you’re keeping up now with the other people in the class.
In the same way, the process of gratefulness is working out the muscles in your brain through your thought patterns. And just like sweating through spinning class, the pay off is worth it!
It occurred to me that like many of us when we encounter a problem, there is a choice we can make about how we choose to see and deal with it. When faced with a problem, I know this is going to sound weird, but if you are grateful for it, you are able to see it differently. And if you are in a place of gratefulness, there is no room for fear.
Take my friend’s issue, for instance, she is fearful about obtaining a new baby that another tragedy could happen, or that she will be reminded of the old feelings she felt when the first baby died.
But, if she flipped it, and thought, “Thank you, God, for another opportunity to receive a baby, thank you for another chance, thank you for allowing me to be a mother again” – the focus is then put on these thoughts and there isn’t room for the fearful thoughts to enter simultaneously.
It’s difficult, I know. It feels strange, and there is even evidence that your brain is so accustomed to processing information in the same way, that when new thoughts like these enter, they are sometimes unrecognizable to your brain.
It is work to change the thought patterns in your head, no doubt about it. I know from my own experience trying to do this with my issues, that it just feels so normal to retreat to my old way of thinking, that even though I know it causes me more grief, I think in the old way rather than working towards seeing the problem in a new light.
But with awareness, comes change. When you start to become aware of the thought patterns in your head, and then a problem arises, you take a step back, decide how you will choose to react to it, either fearfully or gratefully, and then watch as it unfolds. The more often you make the choice of being grateful for the issue in front of you, the better at it you will become.
Then in times of stress, rather than reverting back to your old ingrained habits of being frightened and resisting the problem, you will have trained your brain to find the silver lining within the issue - it is there if you look for it!
It’s almost like working out muscles in the gym. You try a spinning class, and even though you know it will help you lose weight faster, it makes muscles you never even knew you had HURT, so you go back to your aerobic class. But if you keep at the spinning class, pretty soon you tighten up those new found muscles and you enjoy the fact that you’re keeping up now with the other people in the class.
In the same way, the process of gratefulness is working out the muscles in your brain through your thought patterns. And just like sweating through spinning class, the pay off is worth it!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Family that Eats Together...
I was very surprised in talking with the principal at my son's school when she said, "Do you know what's been proven to be the best way to pull kids test scores up? Having dinner together."
I looked it up and the study she was quoting was research done at the University of Michigan that indicated that "family meal time was the single strongest predictor of of better achievement scores and fewer behavior problems."
According to a study done by the Harvard Medical School, families who eat together are less likely to eat fried foods and drink sodas, more likely to have more fruits and vegetables, and drink more milk. Which in turn, keeps children from becoming obese; odds were 15% lower that the kids would be overweight. Plus, with the good food intake, and increased conversation, kids are healthier and more connected to their families; leading to higher self-esteem and more energy to study.
It doesn't need to be fancy or forced, but it is a great habit to get into. And don't forget to turn off the television and put down the cell phones and books. Look at each other, ask how their days went, which friends they played with, etc. Then you are involved with each other and if something pops up down the road, you are aware of when it started to become an issue.
It will also have the added benefit of helping your marriage, if you're married. It's a nice way to reconnect, find out about each other and finish off a day.
It could help on test scores that day, too. For example, I've been known to give spelling tests over cereal, or hold up flash cards over toast and juice. A good early morning review can only help. But the real benefit is to your family, sharing time and love around a meal.
Some other suggestions for keeping it fun and not stressful,
* If Dad doesn't come home until later, have everyone reassemble for dessert together.
* It doesn't necessarily have to be dinner, it could be lunch on the weekends in the park or breakfast a couple times a week.
* Go out to a restaurant - eating out can be fun and special.
* Have the kids help you prepare it, then they can be in on what you choose to eat, they can learn some math as they are cooking it, and they feel like it's a family meal.
The family that eats together, stays together. It's that important, so make sure you are making the time to do this as a family at least four times a week.
Quoted information taken from http://www.hhs.gov/ohr/eap/newsletter/spring07.pdf.
Problem Solving Kids Turn into Problem Solving Adults
I was reading an interview with the comic Jerry Seinfeld in Parade Magazine recently, (http://www.parade.com/celebrity/2010/02/jerry-seinfeld.html) and he discussed what he considers to be the three rules of parenting, what he refers to as the "Poison Ps."
Number 1 he thinks we praise our children too much. Because when they hear it too often, it doesn't ring true. Children can sniff out a lie almost as fast as you can tell it.
Number 2 is problem solving - that parents try to foster a problem free environment, or if a problem arises, the parent fixes it for the child. This doesn't allow for the child to learn to solve his own problems and this is an incredibly important life long skill we all need.
Number 3 is giving your child too much pleasure. If you spoil them it takes that much more for them to experience the pleasure of a situation. There was a show on MTV called My Sweet Sixteen where parents would throw absolutely obscene birthday parties for their children when they turned 16 years old -- stretch limos, live bands, expensive clothes, catered food with ice sculptures -- the whole bit. If this is what happens at 16, what happens when they graduate high school, or college, or get married?
But I want to focus in on Number 2 - problem solving. It's difficult sometimes to hear one of my children cry and not run over and fix it for him. (I admit, sometimes I do run over and fix it for him.) But sometimes, when you let them feel the feeling, or taste the consequence, the lesson sinks in much deeper for them, than it would have if you fixed it for them. And in the long run, that is more helpful to them.
I was at a party one time when a little girl wanted to dance with the other little kids, and she kept tugging on her mother's sleeve, begging her mother to dance with her. The girl is shy and the mother wanted her to dance on her own, to show her she was able to do it by herself and boost her confidence. The mother politely told the little girl no over and over, she wouldn't dance with her. This went on for about 20minutes until finally, the girl realized if she was going to dance, she was going to have to go it alone.
And she did.
And she had a great time doing it. If we always fix their problems for them, they don't learn their about their own abilities, their own strengths, their own power to figure it out for themselves. And that is a life skill every single person needs to survive in this world. We all have problems that arise everyday. Unfortunatly, that is something that never goes away. People who are successful are able to understand the problem, find a solution for it, and keep on going. People who are not successful, get angry that the problem is happening again, and complain about it rather than just solving it and moving on.
And you know that old adage is true: little kids, little problems - big kids, big problems. If you are able to show them at a young age, that they have the ability to solve their own problems, when the consequences are higher and the need is greater for them to come up with an answer, the problem-solving ability will be there.
So, I agree with Mr. Seinfeld, and I think it's ok for a kid to have to see or feel a problem (even if that means crying) and learn to deal with it on his own. Don't fix everything for them, let them figure it out, and know that this will serve them well as they get older.
Number 1 he thinks we praise our children too much. Because when they hear it too often, it doesn't ring true. Children can sniff out a lie almost as fast as you can tell it.
Number 2 is problem solving - that parents try to foster a problem free environment, or if a problem arises, the parent fixes it for the child. This doesn't allow for the child to learn to solve his own problems and this is an incredibly important life long skill we all need.
Number 3 is giving your child too much pleasure. If you spoil them it takes that much more for them to experience the pleasure of a situation. There was a show on MTV called My Sweet Sixteen where parents would throw absolutely obscene birthday parties for their children when they turned 16 years old -- stretch limos, live bands, expensive clothes, catered food with ice sculptures -- the whole bit. If this is what happens at 16, what happens when they graduate high school, or college, or get married?
But I want to focus in on Number 2 - problem solving. It's difficult sometimes to hear one of my children cry and not run over and fix it for him. (I admit, sometimes I do run over and fix it for him.) But sometimes, when you let them feel the feeling, or taste the consequence, the lesson sinks in much deeper for them, than it would have if you fixed it for them. And in the long run, that is more helpful to them.
I was at a party one time when a little girl wanted to dance with the other little kids, and she kept tugging on her mother's sleeve, begging her mother to dance with her. The girl is shy and the mother wanted her to dance on her own, to show her she was able to do it by herself and boost her confidence. The mother politely told the little girl no over and over, she wouldn't dance with her. This went on for about 20minutes until finally, the girl realized if she was going to dance, she was going to have to go it alone.
And she did.
And she had a great time doing it. If we always fix their problems for them, they don't learn their about their own abilities, their own strengths, their own power to figure it out for themselves. And that is a life skill every single person needs to survive in this world. We all have problems that arise everyday. Unfortunatly, that is something that never goes away. People who are successful are able to understand the problem, find a solution for it, and keep on going. People who are not successful, get angry that the problem is happening again, and complain about it rather than just solving it and moving on.
And you know that old adage is true: little kids, little problems - big kids, big problems. If you are able to show them at a young age, that they have the ability to solve their own problems, when the consequences are higher and the need is greater for them to come up with an answer, the problem-solving ability will be there.
So, I agree with Mr. Seinfeld, and I think it's ok for a kid to have to see or feel a problem (even if that means crying) and learn to deal with it on his own. Don't fix everything for them, let them figure it out, and know that this will serve them well as they get older.
Friday, February 26, 2010
How to Prepare for Becoming a Parent
A little levity... I didn't author this, I received it as an email, and thought it was so funny I would share.
Lesson 1. Go to the grocery store. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their: methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and allowing their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3. To discover how the nights will feel...walk around the living room from 5 PM to 10 PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds with a radio tuned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. At 10 PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep. Get up at 12 AM and walk around the living room again until 1. Set the alarm for 3 AM. As you can't fall back to sleep, get up at 2 AM and make a drink. Go to bed at 2:45 AM. Get up at 3 AM when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4 AM. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Lesson 4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out.... smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower bed. Then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Lesson 5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. Buy an octupus and a small bag made out of loose mesh. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6. Forget the BMW and go for the mini-van. And don't expect to leave it out in the driveway all spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Put big globs of ketchup in between the seats and the doors. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.
Lesson 7. Go to the grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full grown goat is excellent.) If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, don't even contemplate having children.
Lesson 8. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half of the Cheerios are gone. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air. You are now ready to feed a nine-month old baby.
Lesson 9. Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'Mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy' with an occasional crescendo to the level of a super sonic jet engine is required.) Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 10. Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt-sleeve, or elbow as you play the mommy tape mentioned above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult when a child is in the room.
Let's celebrate each other, work can wait!
Life is important. Families are important. Let's not forget, in our haste to live these busy lives we've created to take the time to stop and remember someone who was important in your life.
Recently I spoke to someone who recounted a story for me about her friend's mother-in-law dying and how her friend was feeling really overwhelmed by being pulled in the direction of her family and falling behind in her work. The lady who died was dying of cancer, and it was one of those things where any day could have been her last for about two and a half weeks. She lived out of state, so she and her husband were packing up their kids to go to Tennessee, juggling their work demands and their childrens' attendance in school for a couple of weeks.
Then the mother-in-law passed and it was another week of the funeral preparations and ceremony. My friend's friend finally returned home with her family and she was exhausted and drained. Her family had suffered a big loss, but life goes on, and she needed to get her work caught up.
I am trying to make the point of putting things in perspective of importance. I am not saying this lady didn't do a good job -- she did -- she did make the effort, she was there, with her whole family to say goodbye to her mother-in-law. But the fact that her work was weighing on her and she was torn, rather than giving a big occasion like this the attention it deserved seems sad to me.
A person died. She was important. She raised this lady's husband. She was the grandmother to her children. Yet, because of all of the other balls hanging over her head, most especially her work, the passing of the person who had shaped her husband and was an intricate part of her family's make up today, had to be rushed through and gotten over with so she could get back to work?
That seems like a high price to me.
Can't work wait just a little bit longer? It is just work, after all. It's not like someone's going to die if you don't keep up with it for a week or two. Oh wait, someone did die, perhaps their passing should be noted and their life celebrated.
I was reading the book, Awareness by Anthony DeMello. He talks about how some of the people from his country of origin, India, work so hard for so little money a day. They work, have something to eat, go to sleep then get up and do it all over again. Sounds like a sad life?
He compared it to the lives we lead here in the United States, and makes the point that it's not so different. Our salaries are larger, so maybe we can eat out. Perhaps we can afford to buy a car, and a house, and go on a cruise when we want to, but then we, too, return to the same life of work, something to eat, sleep and get up and do it all over again.
I am not saying your job is not important. As stated, it puts food on your family's table, pays for your car and house, maybe you even help people in your job. But let's not be so focused on the job, that we miss out on life. On celebrating the passing of someone we loved. The work will be there waiting for us when we get back.
Recently I spoke to someone who recounted a story for me about her friend's mother-in-law dying and how her friend was feeling really overwhelmed by being pulled in the direction of her family and falling behind in her work. The lady who died was dying of cancer, and it was one of those things where any day could have been her last for about two and a half weeks. She lived out of state, so she and her husband were packing up their kids to go to Tennessee, juggling their work demands and their childrens' attendance in school for a couple of weeks.
Then the mother-in-law passed and it was another week of the funeral preparations and ceremony. My friend's friend finally returned home with her family and she was exhausted and drained. Her family had suffered a big loss, but life goes on, and she needed to get her work caught up.
I am trying to make the point of putting things in perspective of importance. I am not saying this lady didn't do a good job -- she did -- she did make the effort, she was there, with her whole family to say goodbye to her mother-in-law. But the fact that her work was weighing on her and she was torn, rather than giving a big occasion like this the attention it deserved seems sad to me.
A person died. She was important. She raised this lady's husband. She was the grandmother to her children. Yet, because of all of the other balls hanging over her head, most especially her work, the passing of the person who had shaped her husband and was an intricate part of her family's make up today, had to be rushed through and gotten over with so she could get back to work?
That seems like a high price to me.
Can't work wait just a little bit longer? It is just work, after all. It's not like someone's going to die if you don't keep up with it for a week or two. Oh wait, someone did die, perhaps their passing should be noted and their life celebrated.
I was reading the book, Awareness by Anthony DeMello. He talks about how some of the people from his country of origin, India, work so hard for so little money a day. They work, have something to eat, go to sleep then get up and do it all over again. Sounds like a sad life?
He compared it to the lives we lead here in the United States, and makes the point that it's not so different. Our salaries are larger, so maybe we can eat out. Perhaps we can afford to buy a car, and a house, and go on a cruise when we want to, but then we, too, return to the same life of work, something to eat, sleep and get up and do it all over again.
I am not saying your job is not important. As stated, it puts food on your family's table, pays for your car and house, maybe you even help people in your job. But let's not be so focused on the job, that we miss out on life. On celebrating the passing of someone we loved. The work will be there waiting for us when we get back.
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