Children are Gifts and Loans from God

Children are a gift to us, but they are also on loan. As parents, we are meant to raise them and guide them while they are growing, then release them, so that they can find their own way in life.

Along the way of finding their path, kids are going to run into obstacles, bumps, skinned knees, bruises, etc. And while we want to protect them from these hurts, if we overprotect them, the children will become weak and fearful or too comfortable to leave us when the time comes.

This is a tricky dance to learn as parents, but one that must be adhered to, because by trying to be sure that your child never runs into any problems, you are actually creating a bigger problem for them. By constantly fretting and fixing their problems for them, you are subconsciously telling them that they are unable to do it on their own.

It's a dance parents must practice to learn. It's difficult, when a child comes crying to you to not rush in there and fix it. I've mis-steped on this dance many times, myself.

Often times my six-year old comes to me, crying, after having an argument with another child and he asks me to "go talk to them." It's difficult to tell him no, but my family has tried to explain this principle to me on many occasions, too. Unless it is a very egregious situation, I don't rush in and fix it for him. I talk with my child and we come up with ways that he could solve his problem. But then I let go, and I let the kids work it out on their own, because when they do work it out, it gives them self confidence, self-esteem, and lets them know that they can take care of themselves.

Like a lot of things having to do with parenting, the lessons start small, and accumulate. You're not going to dance the tango the first time out. You've got to build up to it.

Obviously at two, if one child hits another with a toy, you do get in there and explain why that is not good, and you do help your kid from being hit or hitting another child. But by six, the parent is backing away and the child is learning boundaries and how to conduct himself with his peers, how to speak properly to get what he wants, how to take turns, and all the lessons he needs to know as a six-year old.

As the child gets older and banks the lessons learned on the playground about how to resolve his own conflicts, we are stepping further and further back from fixing everything for them. By allowing them to survive mistakes, and get through reckless or thoughtless choices, we are teaching them how to overcome the bumps along their path of life.

This is the way to cherish the gift God has given you in your child, and return the loan of a self-reliant, capable person who can now do the same for their child. Dance on!