Children are a gift to us, but they are also on loan. As parents, we are meant to raise them and guide them while they are growing, then release them, so that they can find their own way in life.
Along the way of finding their path, kids are going to run into obstacles, bumps, skinned knees, bruises, etc. And while we want to protect them from these hurts, if we overprotect them, the children will become weak and fearful or too comfortable to leave us when the time comes.
This is a tricky dance to learn as parents, but one that must be adhered to, because by trying to be sure that your child never runs into any problems, you are actually creating a bigger problem for them. By constantly fretting and fixing their problems for them, you are subconsciously telling them that they are unable to do it on their own.
It's a dance parents must practice to learn. It's difficult, when a child comes crying to you to not rush in there and fix it. I've mis-steped on this dance many times, myself.
Often times my six-year old comes to me, crying, after having an argument with another child and he asks me to "go talk to them." It's difficult to tell him no, but my family has tried to explain this principle to me on many occasions, too. Unless it is a very egregious situation, I don't rush in and fix it for him. I talk with my child and we come up with ways that he could solve his problem. But then I let go, and I let the kids work it out on their own, because when they do work it out, it gives them self confidence, self-esteem, and lets them know that they can take care of themselves.
Like a lot of things having to do with parenting, the lessons start small, and accumulate. You're not going to dance the tango the first time out. You've got to build up to it.
Obviously at two, if one child hits another with a toy, you do get in there and explain why that is not good, and you do help your kid from being hit or hitting another child. But by six, the parent is backing away and the child is learning boundaries and how to conduct himself with his peers, how to speak properly to get what he wants, how to take turns, and all the lessons he needs to know as a six-year old.
As the child gets older and banks the lessons learned on the playground about how to resolve his own conflicts, we are stepping further and further back from fixing everything for them. By allowing them to survive mistakes, and get through reckless or thoughtless choices, we are teaching them how to overcome the bumps along their path of life.
This is the way to cherish the gift God has given you in your child, and return the loan of a self-reliant, capable person who can now do the same for their child. Dance on!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Five Tips to Keep Fit as a Busy Working Mom by Amanda Alexander
Whoever you are or however manic your working week is, maintaining your physical fitness as a working mum is essential to your overall wellbeing.
Exercise is quite simply essential to our overall wellbeing, and you need to take time to plan your schedule.
If you have been putting it off, start right now! By regularly moving your body you will reduce your stress levels, increase your energy levels and motivation. Last but by no means least, you will get more done in less time (always a bonus for working mums!). You could be so much more productive and truth be told you don't have to devote a great deal of time to doing this, either.
Get up earlier in the morning. Most fitness experts and those who like to tell us how to lead our lives agree that eight hours is an optimum amount of time for sleep. How many hours are you devoting? The chances are that you can cut back a little bit on your sleep and set the alarm clock to go 15 to 30 minutes earlier. Morning is definitely the best time to devote to exercise, as there is less to distract you and unless your time management skills are polished, evening time can quickly whittle way.
Trade in your lunch hour. Most people enjoy an hour for their lunch. Trade in the traditional use of this time for time spent exercising. If you don't live near a gym or fitness centre, simply put one foot in front of the other and walk yourself to fitness. If you can force yourself outside whatever the weather, you will feel the benefits in your mind as well as your body. A blast of fresh air will reinvigorate you and improve your efficiency for the afternoon ahead. This is quite simply the easiest way to get your heart pumping. Stride at a pace that gets you slightly out of breath,swing your arms and squeeze your tummy muscles in.
Optimise TV time. Clear some space in front of the tv and set yourself a goal of 100 crunches each day whilst watching your favourite tv show! If you have a stable coffee table, use it for tricep dips. Grab a couple of cans of baked beans and do some bicep curls or shoulder press-ups. The possibilities for exercising as you watch tv are endless.
You should concentrate on what you are doing of course - you can multi-task, can't you? Try three sets like this. See how accomplished you feel?
Take advantage of those chores. As much as we don't like to do household chores, we still have to do them. Picture a workout at the same time? Clean the old-fashioned way! Get down on your hands and knees and scrub away - use that elbow grease! A physical approach to cleaning and work in the garden will all work for you health.
Plan some family activities. You can have great fun working out with your kids? Maybe it's time for you to invest in a bike for each member and to start exploring those local bike trails that you hear all about. This can be a great family bonding activity and you can schedule something like this instead of a visit to the cinema, for example.
These days, professional coaching experts reveal, via the web, a number of other areas for you to consider as part of online life coaching.
Explore specific coaching for women to help you make the most of the time available and to ensure that you maintain tiptop health.
Exercise is quite simply essential to our overall wellbeing, and you need to take time to plan your schedule.
If you have been putting it off, start right now! By regularly moving your body you will reduce your stress levels, increase your energy levels and motivation. Last but by no means least, you will get more done in less time (always a bonus for working mums!). You could be so much more productive and truth be told you don't have to devote a great deal of time to doing this, either.
Get up earlier in the morning. Most fitness experts and those who like to tell us how to lead our lives agree that eight hours is an optimum amount of time for sleep. How many hours are you devoting? The chances are that you can cut back a little bit on your sleep and set the alarm clock to go 15 to 30 minutes earlier. Morning is definitely the best time to devote to exercise, as there is less to distract you and unless your time management skills are polished, evening time can quickly whittle way.
Trade in your lunch hour. Most people enjoy an hour for their lunch. Trade in the traditional use of this time for time spent exercising. If you don't live near a gym or fitness centre, simply put one foot in front of the other and walk yourself to fitness. If you can force yourself outside whatever the weather, you will feel the benefits in your mind as well as your body. A blast of fresh air will reinvigorate you and improve your efficiency for the afternoon ahead. This is quite simply the easiest way to get your heart pumping. Stride at a pace that gets you slightly out of breath,swing your arms and squeeze your tummy muscles in.
Optimise TV time. Clear some space in front of the tv and set yourself a goal of 100 crunches each day whilst watching your favourite tv show! If you have a stable coffee table, use it for tricep dips. Grab a couple of cans of baked beans and do some bicep curls or shoulder press-ups. The possibilities for exercising as you watch tv are endless.
You should concentrate on what you are doing of course - you can multi-task, can't you? Try three sets like this. See how accomplished you feel?
Take advantage of those chores. As much as we don't like to do household chores, we still have to do them. Picture a workout at the same time? Clean the old-fashioned way! Get down on your hands and knees and scrub away - use that elbow grease! A physical approach to cleaning and work in the garden will all work for you health.
Plan some family activities. You can have great fun working out with your kids? Maybe it's time for you to invest in a bike for each member and to start exploring those local bike trails that you hear all about. This can be a great family bonding activity and you can schedule something like this instead of a visit to the cinema, for example.
These days, professional coaching experts reveal, via the web, a number of other areas for you to consider as part of online life coaching.
Explore specific coaching for women to help you make the most of the time available and to ensure that you maintain tiptop health.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Remember Your Husband.
Twice in one week, I heard the complaints of men in marriages who felt that once the baby came along, the wife just became super mom and forgot about the guy who helped her make the baby.
Tell me if this scene sounds familiar: a woman is tired at the end of a long day with the kids and asks her husband to help her get them to bed. And he does, but once he gets them into their pajamas he starts wrestling with them, rather than reading to them, and the woman comes in barking, "Just forget it, I'll do it!"
Relax. You can read to him tomorrow night. You've got to relinquish some of that control, and let him do it the way he does it.
Order is nice, routines are nice, but so is spontaneity and fun with Dad. If your guy is trying to help out, just be happy and pat him on the back and give him some nice words of encouragement.
There’s really no such thing as a supermom, anyway. Moms who look like they have it all together, sometimes do (on that specific day), but most times don’t. We’re all human. When you sit down and really talk to someone intimately, you find out we’re all dealing with things in our own ways.
Don't play the martyr, grumbling about poor me I have so much to do, and no one to help me with it. Play the lover. Find things to be happy about and be in love with your guy for. Your kids will be much happier for it. The best gift you can give to your child is to see a happy, secure relationship between their parents. That makes the child feel secure.
Relationships need nourishment. Nourishment comes from putting the time in, making him feel important, valuing his opinion, and treating him like the friend he was before the child (or children) came along. Husbands and wives need private time away from their children to connect, to talk, to just be alone together.
Of course the relationship between a mother and child needs that time and effort put into it as well, but if it is done at the exclusion of the husband that is unbalanced and not good for the family.
The family includes the dad, too. The upside of having him involved with things, even if he does it differently than you do, is you don't have to be the sole provider of every single whim the child has -- you get a break. Plus, the child will be well-rounded and less spoiled if his every demand is not met immediately. Delayed gratification is a great lesson to learn young.
Remember your husband. He’s your partner, your friend, and your ally. All too soon, as adolescence sets in, you’re probably going to need him, so don’t alienate him in the early years. Cultivate that relationship, so it can last long after the kids move out.
Tell me if this scene sounds familiar: a woman is tired at the end of a long day with the kids and asks her husband to help her get them to bed. And he does, but once he gets them into their pajamas he starts wrestling with them, rather than reading to them, and the woman comes in barking, "Just forget it, I'll do it!"
Relax. You can read to him tomorrow night. You've got to relinquish some of that control, and let him do it the way he does it.
Order is nice, routines are nice, but so is spontaneity and fun with Dad. If your guy is trying to help out, just be happy and pat him on the back and give him some nice words of encouragement.
There’s really no such thing as a supermom, anyway. Moms who look like they have it all together, sometimes do (on that specific day), but most times don’t. We’re all human. When you sit down and really talk to someone intimately, you find out we’re all dealing with things in our own ways.
Don't play the martyr, grumbling about poor me I have so much to do, and no one to help me with it. Play the lover. Find things to be happy about and be in love with your guy for. Your kids will be much happier for it. The best gift you can give to your child is to see a happy, secure relationship between their parents. That makes the child feel secure.
Relationships need nourishment. Nourishment comes from putting the time in, making him feel important, valuing his opinion, and treating him like the friend he was before the child (or children) came along. Husbands and wives need private time away from their children to connect, to talk, to just be alone together.
Of course the relationship between a mother and child needs that time and effort put into it as well, but if it is done at the exclusion of the husband that is unbalanced and not good for the family.
The family includes the dad, too. The upside of having him involved with things, even if he does it differently than you do, is you don't have to be the sole provider of every single whim the child has -- you get a break. Plus, the child will be well-rounded and less spoiled if his every demand is not met immediately. Delayed gratification is a great lesson to learn young.
Remember your husband. He’s your partner, your friend, and your ally. All too soon, as adolescence sets in, you’re probably going to need him, so don’t alienate him in the early years. Cultivate that relationship, so it can last long after the kids move out.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
How to deal with passive agressive behavior
Tell me if this sounds familiar: you ask your child to do his homework, go to bed, turn off the TV, etc. and he resists or ignores you? This behavior can often be labeled as passive aggressive. When it gets pretty bad, the child is so successful at resisting you, you just do whatever it is you asked him to do. For example - "John, will you empty the dishwasher?" (Repeated 5 times over the course of a half an hour). John dawdles, watches TV, tells you to wait, etc. Rather than get in a fight, or keep repeating yourself, you just empty the dishwasher yourself.
ARGH. Who's in control in this situation? John is. If you get mad, and lose your cool, John still thinks he won. He's not upset, you are. How did we get here? Kids develop passive aggressive tendencies as a way to avoid feelings, chores or conflicts. Rather than expressing himself, and dealing with the conflict of him not wanting to do what you asked, he just resists. If it gets him out of the chore, the pattern could continue causing a lot of arguments in the house.
Another way this can be played out would be, "Carrie, if you clean your room and do your laundry, I'll give you $20 to go to the mall." She doesn't clean her room or do her laundry, but she's running off to the mall and you give her the $20 anyway. This is a slippery slope to no good.
The ugly truth of it is this, by resisting you, your child is often training you to give up and leave him alone. You start to lower your expectations of your child and expect less and less from him. It works for a lot of kids, so they use it.
Dr. James Lehman, creator of the Total Transformation Program says, "Instead of building bridges, passive-aggressive behavior tears down communication quietly, closing window after window."
Some ways Dr. Lehman says you can combat this behavior are:
* If you get angry in front of your child, show him that you can handle your anger and use it to resolve the conflict.
* Sit down and discuss why the child is not doing what is expected of her. If she is slow to start her homework, perhaps it is because she doesn't think she knows how to do the assignment. In this case, you can encourage her to start and help her break it down into smaller, more manageable tasks.
* Build in times when the chore has to be finished by. In the examples above, you could say to John, "Please empty the dishwasher by 8 pm. If you choose not to, you won't be able to watch TV tomorrow." And then let it go. Now it's back on him to take responsibility for his actions. For Carrie, "I need you to clean your room and do your laundry by Friday or you won't get any spending money for the mall."
* Reward good behavior. When he does empty the dishwasher by 8 and gets to bed on time, give him an extra half hour to play on the computer. Or if Carrie gets her chores done by Thursday, let her bring a couple of friends with her to the mall. This way, they are motivated to do what's expected of them and it feels good.
* Keep the lines of communication open with your son or daughter. Tell her, I understand your angry, but holding it in, or acting out is not going to get us any closer to a solution. Let's try to figure it out together.
* Stress the importance of working together as a family. Everyone lives here, and everyone pitches in to keep it clean. Thanks for helping by emptying the dishwasher.
Remember, passive-aggressive behavior is an ineffective coping skill. In order for a child to stop using it, they have to learn an effective coping skill with which to replace it. Coping skills will not be abandoned because they’re ineffective unless a more healthy coping skill is learned to replace it.
ARGH. Who's in control in this situation? John is. If you get mad, and lose your cool, John still thinks he won. He's not upset, you are. How did we get here? Kids develop passive aggressive tendencies as a way to avoid feelings, chores or conflicts. Rather than expressing himself, and dealing with the conflict of him not wanting to do what you asked, he just resists. If it gets him out of the chore, the pattern could continue causing a lot of arguments in the house.
Another way this can be played out would be, "Carrie, if you clean your room and do your laundry, I'll give you $20 to go to the mall." She doesn't clean her room or do her laundry, but she's running off to the mall and you give her the $20 anyway. This is a slippery slope to no good.
The ugly truth of it is this, by resisting you, your child is often training you to give up and leave him alone. You start to lower your expectations of your child and expect less and less from him. It works for a lot of kids, so they use it.
Dr. James Lehman, creator of the Total Transformation Program says, "Instead of building bridges, passive-aggressive behavior tears down communication quietly, closing window after window."
Some ways Dr. Lehman says you can combat this behavior are:
* If you get angry in front of your child, show him that you can handle your anger and use it to resolve the conflict.
* Sit down and discuss why the child is not doing what is expected of her. If she is slow to start her homework, perhaps it is because she doesn't think she knows how to do the assignment. In this case, you can encourage her to start and help her break it down into smaller, more manageable tasks.
* Build in times when the chore has to be finished by. In the examples above, you could say to John, "Please empty the dishwasher by 8 pm. If you choose not to, you won't be able to watch TV tomorrow." And then let it go. Now it's back on him to take responsibility for his actions. For Carrie, "I need you to clean your room and do your laundry by Friday or you won't get any spending money for the mall."
* Reward good behavior. When he does empty the dishwasher by 8 and gets to bed on time, give him an extra half hour to play on the computer. Or if Carrie gets her chores done by Thursday, let her bring a couple of friends with her to the mall. This way, they are motivated to do what's expected of them and it feels good.
* Keep the lines of communication open with your son or daughter. Tell her, I understand your angry, but holding it in, or acting out is not going to get us any closer to a solution. Let's try to figure it out together.
* Stress the importance of working together as a family. Everyone lives here, and everyone pitches in to keep it clean. Thanks for helping by emptying the dishwasher.
Remember, passive-aggressive behavior is an ineffective coping skill. In order for a child to stop using it, they have to learn an effective coping skill with which to replace it. Coping skills will not be abandoned because they’re ineffective unless a more healthy coping skill is learned to replace it.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
A Vision of a Peaceful Family
Ha! You know I have the best intentions with this blog, to help others in their dealings with their families and friends, but it's causing me to take a good, long look in the mirror, too.
Yesterday I was very happy, many signs in my life (and emails I was receiving) were pointing me to create a vision for my life. I read a great article by Steve Pavlina,
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2010/03/creating-your-vision/
which gave me the step-by-step process of how to do so.
I read the article, and dutifully set about creating my vision for my life.
Then my kids came home. I fixed them something to eat, and they were loud. I kept asking them to be quiet, finally I sent the one away from the table. After a while, I asked him to start his homework, and it went downhill fast. I was angry that he doesn't follow directions, that I have to ask him to do things 12 times, basically that he wants to do what he wants to do, while I want him to do what I want him to do, NOW!
And I was angry that he was loud. But today, I'm thinking, maybe I was angry at him behaving like a little boy. Aren't little boys loud? Don't they want to do what they want to do? But shouldn't they listen to their mothers? Shouldn't they do their homework when they are asked to?
So, today, needless to say, I wasn't feeling nearly as great when I sat down to read my vision again. It was hard to get in that frame of mind and imagine and feel it like it was already here. Perhaps, I told myself in a tiny attempt at cheer, this is happening so I can FEEL how the people I am writing for feel when they are arguing with their families.
I've been taking a course on a book called "Lessons In Truth" by Dr. H. Emilie Cady. I had to write a paper on it, and I surmised that part of the thesis of her book is that we choose our thoughts. We shape our realities by what we choose to think. She also argues, that by meditating and getting to know God better, you come to a place where you know that you know. Meaning, if you get quiet, and listen for the (what she calls) "still small voice" others may call it intuition, you know the answer. You know what you're supposed to do.
So, I took the course, I wrote the paper, I write the blog, so did I do it? Did I meditate and know that I already know the answer to my above mentioned questions? NO, I did NOT.
I went looking on the web for what someone else has to say about it. And although I am on my way to meditate now, and I do think that is a good way for me to figure out why I am inpatient with my children this week and what the lesson is they are trying to show me, I am going to share with you what I found on the web, too, so you can have a 35-page print out of How to Parent Effectively.
Shelley Lefkoe is the co-founder of the Lefkoe Institute, and the founder and President of the Possibilities of Parenting Center (POPC), a division of the Lefkoe Institute. The mission of the POPC is two-fold: to have parents discover that self-esteem (the experience of being able and worthy) and a positive attitude toward life are the key to their children's happiness and success;
and to empower parents to assist their children in the creation of positive self-esteem and a healthy view of life.
She has co-written an eBook, Chicken Soup for the Soul's Guide to Effective Parenting. You can download it for $19.95 from this link:
http://www.lefkoeinstitute.com/parenting-ebook.html
She knows,that "our beliefs about ourselves, people, and life are crucial in determining how we live." So she created this systematic approach to dealing with our kids to help us achieve that vision that we want for our families so
we can "get your kids to do things like homework, brushing their teeth, and cleaning their room - without a battle."
When thinking about my own situation, I think my son has a responsibility for his actions, too. I don't want to be a complete pushover and think, "Well, he's just being a little boy." He does a responsibility to do his homework and respect what his mother tells him. And I have a responsibility to respect him and understand that he is a little boy.
I do know, that I don't want to yell, or get angry, or cajole him to get him to do what I want. I want a nice, peaceful, loving family, for my family and for yours, so I point you in the direction of this ebook and daily meditation time to try to achieve that vision in our lives. Good luck!
Yesterday I was very happy, many signs in my life (and emails I was receiving) were pointing me to create a vision for my life. I read a great article by Steve Pavlina,
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2010/03/creating-your-vision/
which gave me the step-by-step process of how to do so.
I read the article, and dutifully set about creating my vision for my life.
Then my kids came home. I fixed them something to eat, and they were loud. I kept asking them to be quiet, finally I sent the one away from the table. After a while, I asked him to start his homework, and it went downhill fast. I was angry that he doesn't follow directions, that I have to ask him to do things 12 times, basically that he wants to do what he wants to do, while I want him to do what I want him to do, NOW!
And I was angry that he was loud. But today, I'm thinking, maybe I was angry at him behaving like a little boy. Aren't little boys loud? Don't they want to do what they want to do? But shouldn't they listen to their mothers? Shouldn't they do their homework when they are asked to?
So, today, needless to say, I wasn't feeling nearly as great when I sat down to read my vision again. It was hard to get in that frame of mind and imagine and feel it like it was already here. Perhaps, I told myself in a tiny attempt at cheer, this is happening so I can FEEL how the people I am writing for feel when they are arguing with their families.
I've been taking a course on a book called "Lessons In Truth" by Dr. H. Emilie Cady. I had to write a paper on it, and I surmised that part of the thesis of her book is that we choose our thoughts. We shape our realities by what we choose to think. She also argues, that by meditating and getting to know God better, you come to a place where you know that you know. Meaning, if you get quiet, and listen for the (what she calls) "still small voice" others may call it intuition, you know the answer. You know what you're supposed to do.
So, I took the course, I wrote the paper, I write the blog, so did I do it? Did I meditate and know that I already know the answer to my above mentioned questions? NO, I did NOT.
I went looking on the web for what someone else has to say about it. And although I am on my way to meditate now, and I do think that is a good way for me to figure out why I am inpatient with my children this week and what the lesson is they are trying to show me, I am going to share with you what I found on the web, too, so you can have a 35-page print out of How to Parent Effectively.
Shelley Lefkoe is the co-founder of the Lefkoe Institute, and the founder and President of the Possibilities of Parenting Center (POPC), a division of the Lefkoe Institute. The mission of the POPC is two-fold: to have parents discover that self-esteem (the experience of being able and worthy) and a positive attitude toward life are the key to their children's happiness and success;
and to empower parents to assist their children in the creation of positive self-esteem and a healthy view of life.
She has co-written an eBook, Chicken Soup for the Soul's Guide to Effective Parenting. You can download it for $19.95 from this link:
http://www.lefkoeinstitute.com/parenting-ebook.html
She knows,that "our beliefs about ourselves, people, and life are crucial in determining how we live." So she created this systematic approach to dealing with our kids to help us achieve that vision that we want for our families so
we can "get your kids to do things like homework, brushing their teeth, and cleaning their room - without a battle."
When thinking about my own situation, I think my son has a responsibility for his actions, too. I don't want to be a complete pushover and think, "Well, he's just being a little boy." He does a responsibility to do his homework and respect what his mother tells him. And I have a responsibility to respect him and understand that he is a little boy.
I do know, that I don't want to yell, or get angry, or cajole him to get him to do what I want. I want a nice, peaceful, loving family, for my family and for yours, so I point you in the direction of this ebook and daily meditation time to try to achieve that vision in our lives. Good luck!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Heroes Among Us
A bit of good news from the Good News Herald Atl:
They say that there is always a gift to be found in suffering.
Our world is undergoing a major transformation right now, transitioning from one period to another. For that reason, there is a lot of suffering right now.
There is a lot of violence. There is a lot of war. There's a lot of unemployment. There is a lot of drug use (prescription and illegal). And there are many natural disasters: the Asian tsunami, Katrina, and now the powerful earthquakes in Haiti and Chile.
But in the suffering caused by these natural disasters, the gift I see is the outpouring of compassion and empathy being shown to fellow humans across borders and over oceans.
When the tsunami hit poor coastal communities in 14 countries along the Indian Ocean millions of dollars were immediately raised and many people flooded into the devasted countries to assist in the cleaning and rebuilding process. Three years later, there were good news reports of how that money was spent to rebuild houses, bridges, fishing harbors, and infrastructure to get clean water and proper sanitation for the people still living in these areas.
The aftermath of Katrina is still going on 4 years after the fact. But there are still people there on the ground in New Orleans helping to rebuild what was lost when the levees broke. Here, too, good can be seen coming from the days of when 80 percent of New Orleans was underwater. New residents have come to the area as the recovery efforts continue, new industries are setting up in the region, and innovative charter schools have replaced many failing public schools. There are still problems, and the Ninth Ward is still pretty vacant, but the recovery effort has brought gifts to this city (Who Dat? Way to go Saints!) and the spirit of the people of New Orleans has not dimmed, but shone brighter through it all.
What is incredible to see then, and now, in the wake of the Haiti disaster, are the thousands of people who take it upon themselves to help out. No one asked them to. No one came to their house specifically and told them to take some time off from your job, your family, your life - and use your own money and resources to head down to a disaster zone and help out.
But they did anyway.
They simply feel a calling to help those affected and it's amazing. They are true heroes. These are people who, because they have skills that will be helpful, as doctors, nurses, firefighters, counselors, or just warm bodies - band together and help people who need it. It's a beautiful thing to see.
One web site sent called Matador sent an email out saying they were going to head to Haiti, and got 250 responses from people that were interested in dropping everything and going with them. They received messages like this,
I want to give attention to these ordinarilary ordinary people, with big, friendly, open hearts who became extraordinary by seeing a need and doing what they could to help. There are so many of them! They all deserve a big pat on the back and a "Job well done!" for setting a beautiful, human example and showing us the gift amidst the suffering.
They say that there is always a gift to be found in suffering.
Our world is undergoing a major transformation right now, transitioning from one period to another. For that reason, there is a lot of suffering right now.
There is a lot of violence. There is a lot of war. There's a lot of unemployment. There is a lot of drug use (prescription and illegal). And there are many natural disasters: the Asian tsunami, Katrina, and now the powerful earthquakes in Haiti and Chile.
But in the suffering caused by these natural disasters, the gift I see is the outpouring of compassion and empathy being shown to fellow humans across borders and over oceans.
When the tsunami hit poor coastal communities in 14 countries along the Indian Ocean millions of dollars were immediately raised and many people flooded into the devasted countries to assist in the cleaning and rebuilding process. Three years later, there were good news reports of how that money was spent to rebuild houses, bridges, fishing harbors, and infrastructure to get clean water and proper sanitation for the people still living in these areas.
The aftermath of Katrina is still going on 4 years after the fact. But there are still people there on the ground in New Orleans helping to rebuild what was lost when the levees broke. Here, too, good can be seen coming from the days of when 80 percent of New Orleans was underwater. New residents have come to the area as the recovery efforts continue, new industries are setting up in the region, and innovative charter schools have replaced many failing public schools. There are still problems, and the Ninth Ward is still pretty vacant, but the recovery effort has brought gifts to this city (Who Dat? Way to go Saints!) and the spirit of the people of New Orleans has not dimmed, but shone brighter through it all.
What is incredible to see then, and now, in the wake of the Haiti disaster, are the thousands of people who take it upon themselves to help out. No one asked them to. No one came to their house specifically and told them to take some time off from your job, your family, your life - and use your own money and resources to head down to a disaster zone and help out.
But they did anyway.
They simply feel a calling to help those affected and it's amazing. They are true heroes. These are people who, because they have skills that will be helpful, as doctors, nurses, firefighters, counselors, or just warm bodies - band together and help people who need it. It's a beautiful thing to see.
One web site sent called Matador sent an email out saying they were going to head to Haiti, and got 250 responses from people that were interested in dropping everything and going with them. They received messages like this,
"I am arriving to Puerto Plata on Friday for a previously planned vacation with my boyfriend. We are willing to join your group to volunteer if it is safe and feasible (we have a car) so I look forward to seeing how that plan comes together.”
“I have no idea where to even start but I did a quick google search and I have a HUGE feeling in my heart that I need to get to Haiti as soon as possible to do whatever I can to help these people. I have little money, but I have been a dairy farmer my whole life and I am more than able to work long and hard for these people.”
“Please keep me posted on possible volunteer opportunities in Haiti. My husband and I are adopting a little boy named Jeffry from Haiti, and had the opportunity to travel there in September. The people of Haiti and the country itself hold a piece of my heart. I have a current passport and am willing and able to do whatever I can. Thanks for your care and concern for Haiti!”
“Hi, my name is Joanne, and I am very saddened by this terrible and devastating event that has happened yesterday. I wouldn’t want anything more than to go to Haiti and help as much as I can. I am CPR certified and have almost complete training as an EMT. Please keep me up to date about possibly going over to help. Thank you.”
Hi my name is Rudy. I really want to go to Haiti and help in anyway that I can. I am also fluent in French and will pay airfare.
Please let me know what I can do.
Hi, I’m 32 years old French Canadian from Montreal born in Haïti, I’m free to get Haïti in a couple of days by myself. I was lifeguard in the past. I’m a real estate apparaiser with administration qualifications. I’m open to do anythings, I might need a roof. I can stay over there for 6 to 8 weeks.
Hello my name is Giovanni. I am 22 years old, I am a certified EMT-B with current CPR/First Aid and AED certifications, I already have a passport. I am willing and ready to aid in the efforts to help Haiti.
"I am a certified Medical assistant. Also certified for CPR. I work with the Army as a Medical Assistant every once in a while. Please e-mail me as soon as possible, I would love to drop anything I have going on to help. Thank you!"
"I am a nurse of 40 years and want to go to Haiti to help in any way I can. I can get the time off and pay for my own airfare. I work for a large company and I am sure that I can get monetary donations as well as my own medical supplies and anything else that may be needed."
"I to would like to donate my services as a EMT and FIrefighter/ rescue tech I have performed multiply searches and rescues and have Construction and Electrical Experince as well as Demolition experince would be happy to travel there with any group going to assist I can be reached at *****."
"Hello I am a certified heavy equipment operator looking to help out any way I can in rescue or demolition or whatever….I could pay my own airfare…I am good to go at a moments notice."
"I am a certified EMT & Firefighter with cofined space rescue and other certifications and would be more then happy to help with the rescue & recovery operations in Haiti I am not looking for money and I can bring large stockpile of medical supplies that have been donated by local hospitals here with my I am willing to spend as long as i am needed down there I can be contacted at ***** I will travel with any group any I am willing to travel by any means."
I want to give attention to these ordinarilary ordinary people, with big, friendly, open hearts who became extraordinary by seeing a need and doing what they could to help. There are so many of them! They all deserve a big pat on the back and a "Job well done!" for setting a beautiful, human example and showing us the gift amidst the suffering.
Like Mother, Like Daughter? by Karen Schachter
We moms have a tough path to walk as we help our daughters navigate the sometimes choppy waters of growing up girl. It's our job to protect our children and do our best to keep them safe and healthy, yet we also have to allow them to grow, stretch and learn from their own mistakes. It's a fine line between letting them be who they are and wanting to "tweak" them just a little bit so they don't suffer from the same mistakes or struggles that we did.
When it comes to healthy eating and a positive body image, this fine line can feel fragile and confusing, particularly if you struggle with these issues yourself.
When I teach workshops or work individually with moms, I am always asked some of the same questions: Should I let my kids have desert every day? How do I deal with their love of sweets? How can I help her stop eating when she's not hungry anymore? How can I help her lose weight without making her feel bad about her body? How can I help her feel good about her body, no matter what its size? How can I help her feel good about herself and treat herself with respect?
Although I can give concrete "answers" to many of these questions, the truth is, there is no one "right" answer that works for everyone, all the time. There is no "magic bullet" to self-esteem, body confidence, self-care, and inspiring good health in your daughter.
However, there is one piece of the puzzle that is so important, one KEY asset that is SO valuable, and one action that IS within our control...that is more powerful than anything we can say or anything we can feed them.
YOU.
As her mom, the only thing you really have control over (especially as she gets older) is who YOU are BEING and how YOU are negotiating your own health, your own eating, your own body image and your own self -esteem. Are you embodying the actions and feelings that you want her to learn?
Here's a little food for thought to get you going:
1. Next time you notice yourself betwixt and between about an eating habit of your daughter's, check in with yourself: Is there something about that behavior that reminds you of one of your own struggles? (Go ahead and address it in YOURSELF first).
2. Imagine that your daughter develops a delicious, nourishing and healthy relationship to food, eating and her body - what will that look like? Go ahead and try out some of those self-nourishing actions for YOURSELF.
3. What if food, eating and body image weren't a concern, for you or for your daughter? What if you had true freedom and peace with these things? What would your energy and attention be focused on instead? (Go ahead and give it a try).
Here's the thing: Our daughters learn how to live in their bodies and care for themselves with food and in their lives from MANY sources, including the media, their peers, their families, and from all the women in their lives. I am on a mission - and I invite you to join me - to help change the "face" of what the next generation of girls is learning - and I believe we must first BE THE CHANGE we wish to see in them. (When moms set their minds to something, there is no telling what could happen...)
Copyright (c) 2009 Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds
About The Author
Karen Schachter, a psychotherapist and coach, is committed to helping girls and women find peace, nourishment and wellbeing with food and their bodies. To receive her FREE Special Report: 7 Secrets To Having The Relationship With Food You've Always Wanted, go to http://www.healthybodieshappyminds.com
The author invites you to visit:
http://healthybodieshappyminds.com
When it comes to healthy eating and a positive body image, this fine line can feel fragile and confusing, particularly if you struggle with these issues yourself.
When I teach workshops or work individually with moms, I am always asked some of the same questions: Should I let my kids have desert every day? How do I deal with their love of sweets? How can I help her stop eating when she's not hungry anymore? How can I help her lose weight without making her feel bad about her body? How can I help her feel good about her body, no matter what its size? How can I help her feel good about herself and treat herself with respect?
Although I can give concrete "answers" to many of these questions, the truth is, there is no one "right" answer that works for everyone, all the time. There is no "magic bullet" to self-esteem, body confidence, self-care, and inspiring good health in your daughter.
However, there is one piece of the puzzle that is so important, one KEY asset that is SO valuable, and one action that IS within our control...that is more powerful than anything we can say or anything we can feed them.
YOU.
As her mom, the only thing you really have control over (especially as she gets older) is who YOU are BEING and how YOU are negotiating your own health, your own eating, your own body image and your own self -esteem. Are you embodying the actions and feelings that you want her to learn?
Here's a little food for thought to get you going:
1. Next time you notice yourself betwixt and between about an eating habit of your daughter's, check in with yourself: Is there something about that behavior that reminds you of one of your own struggles? (Go ahead and address it in YOURSELF first).
2. Imagine that your daughter develops a delicious, nourishing and healthy relationship to food, eating and her body - what will that look like? Go ahead and try out some of those self-nourishing actions for YOURSELF.
3. What if food, eating and body image weren't a concern, for you or for your daughter? What if you had true freedom and peace with these things? What would your energy and attention be focused on instead? (Go ahead and give it a try).
Here's the thing: Our daughters learn how to live in their bodies and care for themselves with food and in their lives from MANY sources, including the media, their peers, their families, and from all the women in their lives. I am on a mission - and I invite you to join me - to help change the "face" of what the next generation of girls is learning - and I believe we must first BE THE CHANGE we wish to see in them. (When moms set their minds to something, there is no telling what could happen...)
Copyright (c) 2009 Healthy Bodies, Happy Minds
About The Author
Karen Schachter, a psychotherapist and coach, is committed to helping girls and women find peace, nourishment and wellbeing with food and their bodies. To receive her FREE Special Report: 7 Secrets To Having The Relationship With Food You've Always Wanted, go to http://www.healthybodieshappyminds.com
The author invites you to visit:
http://healthybodieshappyminds.com
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